day 9

up at 6

scale said almost 218! freak shit

it is 830 and i am a bit hungry. will stick to bacon and ground beef today

day 8 oct 26

ok, lets try try again

had bacon- whole pack
took sam to SS and mom to church. did some cleaning and dishes. took sam to hockey game. it was a tie

had 3 burgers mex style

handed out halloween candy and did not sneak any! yay me

made pumpkin seeds. kept sampling them. i figured they were low carb?

day 6

thurs. got up and took mom to doc and some shopping. had some bacon in the am

scale said 211 or so!!

on the way home, i stopped with mom and night owl. i thought a bunless mushroom swiss would be ok. humm- it was not. dont know why but it set me off. or maybe losing weight set me off?? ate like a pig today and Friday

finally got taxes done on fri. well, now i need to find 2005, but thats not so bad

livys party was sat. i of course did not bother with getting back on for that. i dont think i went crazy, but will start tomorrow

day 5

up by 630. could not fall back asleep. a bit hungry but not enough to drive me out of bed

stayed in bed late. ate roast beef mostly. had to go take the study stuff out and then did some double couponing. it was a good day food wise and shopping wise
i only blew it with a blue bunny personal

day 4

still 215

up at 630 for robbie. tried to fall back asleep but could not. lots of hockey and football tonight

out of bed around 1030. did some cleaning. made chicken, potatoes.

had a burger and some mex style beef roast

went to a couple of hockey meetings, brought robbie home from hockey. boys had football too

went to wag and did the alka seltzer and toothbrush deal, then cvs and did the goodnites

i did good until I was in bed and then ate a small bag of laffy taffy

best day so far

day 3

wt is still 215

BUMMER!

I guess it is better than going up. It is hard to give up things and not see results. I was such a big diet soda drinker. Read that it would produce an insulin response, so I decided it was time to kick the habit. 2 weeks now. no difference. The fist week was awful with the caffeine headaches. My appetite seemed lower tho so I thought it would help. This past week I felt hungry again. Now, I have not really given it up. I still take drinks to wash down my food because there is just something wrong to me about drinking water after food. icky. But, I used to drink the stuff constantly. But I miss it. My mouth gets filmy at night and I get congested and I like to have the soda fizz to wash it out. water does not cut it.

I did well yesterday until last night. The sugar was calling me. I had ALOT of lucky charms.

I am going to go have some bacon soon cause I am hungry

up at 630, well, before that cause of the dumb cats, but I dozed off again. It is now almost 830 and I am on the confuser. I will accomplish something useful today!

I got up around 1030? Did alot of cleaning in the toy room. had another great burger. 2 cheesedogs. made the king supper. I got hungry again around 8. No meat ready made and it did not sound that good either. lucky charms- lots of them. boo on me.

rented the new indiana jones movie- the kids and john watched it. redbox codes are nice

day 2

woke up around 830. weight is around 215- GAHHHHHHHHHH

I am a teeny bit hungry but not dying. I think I am taking Sam to hockey, but now I hear the idiot up downstairs so maybe he is. Baby had a little fit cause I harassed him about using too much ketchup last night.

ah- he went to work. i took sam. had an unsuccessful trip to cvs. out of everything again. got the free powerade and candy corn(yuck). stopped at pick on a coupon hunt

came back and then had to get rob from bowling and take him to hockey. tried a different cvs and same thing. went to a different pick and found some alka seltzer peelies. i think i can use them at wag

came home and got in a fight with sam. he was supposed to do the dishes and practice his instrument and did not. he refused and refused to go to bed. me and robbie had to physically carry him up there. WTH - he is usually the good one. I told robbie to do them and he said no. that kid is such a jag. sam finally came down and did them

they spent most of the night by the fire. roasted weenies and smores. i made hot choc. made the idiot dinner after he came back from football

i had bacon for BF, a great burger w/cheese and some mex style beef roast

now, I am hungry again. The lucky charms are calling my name

sigh

a new day

so, I got up at 630. Not by choice. Robbie had to get up for football and woke me up. Its almost 930 and I am still in bed on the computer. I waste so much time.

So far, I have had some roast and sour cream. small plate- saucer. I am hungry again. GRRRR.

I have to take sam to football later and would like to go to wag. we will see if I get organized to do that. sinkful of dishes that has to be done.

so took sam to fb and brought robbie home. we stopped at target and i found a few deals.

did the dishes and made lunch and supper.

I have had more roast and sour cream and some ground beef mex style

I made it to pick to buy graham crackers and chocolate for smores for the new firepit wes and robbie made today. converted more of my cats to gift cards

went to wag and did one deal- robi, candy for halloween, toothbrush and 10 foils. Paid $10 gift card and $4 cash(ouch). But I got 14.50 in cats and will get a $4 rebate. I wish I was more motivated to do more of the deal. I think because it was not "perfect", I did not do it.

I wanted to eat when I got home, but nothing sounded appealing. meat? igh. I had a piece of cheese. really wanted to eat. Got sick feeling in bed so I had some licorice. Did not even last one day

can I stop being mediocre?

I pretty much dislike myself. I did not always. But the way my life has gone just made me this way I guess.
I want to stop disliking myself. Do you think I can change? I pray every night to be a better person. I hope my prayers are answered.

Stop being wishy-washy! "I want", "I'll try", "I'd like to", "I think", "I'd might" are ALL wishy washy. "I want to lose weight" isn't a decision, but "I'm going to lose 15lbs." certainly is. "I'll try to start eating better" is limp reasoning at best. Are you going to do it or aren't you? MAKE A DECISION AND THEN DO IT! Own it. Claim it. -And it will be yours. Brook Jay

As Yoda said, “Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.”

Henry Ford said,

If you think you can, or if you think you can't, you're right.

What was it that Joyce Meyer always said? "You need a backbone and not a wishbone",